Hero? Or coward?
by Syladin Shadesmar
Summary: I got mad at Link. The reason why is in the story. And now, since I feel like making fun of him, I have written this. I will possibly make sequels. But in any case, LINK MADE ME MAAAAAAADDD!
1. The Forest Temple

Now I'm going to make fun of Link. The reason I'm going to make fun of such a beloved character is because I was playing on the Twilight Princess Wii game (which is awesome) and was on the third temple, in the big cave room with all the rotating stairs. I accidentally fell into the water where the carnivorous fish were, and so I was bitten until I only had a quarter of a life left. Since I didn't have the clawshot yet, I had to climb up all the vines. And right when I reached the top, my friend bumped me in the leg, sending Link down to the bottom again. This happened again. And again. And again. And each time he fell, I would shout at the TV, "STUPID LINK!"

Thus is his new nickname. Now that you know the entire back-story, I can continue!

Chapter one: The Forest Temple.

I looked at the huge tree and turned to Midna.

"Uh… are you sure that I have to go in there? I mean… it's such a huge tree… it could have wood lice. Or spiders. I really don't like spiders…"

"Oh, man up Link! I helped you escape the prison, I can teleport you virtually anywhere, I have provided you with a sword and a shield- can you at least pay off those favors and help me find that shadow armor?"

"Yeah, but the tree's old. It might fall over- with us inside!"

"Come on already! Get _inside!_"

With that word, Midna pushed open the door and dragged me into it. Darkness rushed past.

**The Gamers' POV**

I maneuvered Link to the door and waited for the icon "open" to pop up.

It didn't.

I pressed A.

The door didn't budge.

Suddenly, Link's shadow moved. It was Midna: but I had not pressed up on the control pad. What was going on?

Instead of turning to face the screen and talk like she normally did, Midna appeared to push Link through the door. And was I imagining it, but were Link's knees knocking together?

Oh well, I thought. Must be a glitch of some sort: a distortion of the pixelations.

I turned back to the TV and continued playing.

**I'm gonna do one of these for each Temple. Well, except the last couple: I haven't quite gotten to them yet.**


	2. Goron Mines

Makin Fun O Stuff: Zelda, the Twilight Princess. Link's POV

Why me.

Why was I chosen by the goddesses? Why do I have to defeat these monsters?

I really have no clue. But this Midna character looks pretty shady, and if I drop the hero act, I get the feeling bad things will happen to me. That, and people won't respect me and give me free stuff anymore.

So I have to pretend to be a hero. At least, until I get this creepy girl off my back. And I can't just leave her on the ground. I mean, she helped me turn human again. And being a wolf was NOT something I wanted to relive.

At this moment, I am standing in front of a huge mountain peak. Actually, it's just a huge volcano peak, constantly spewing gas and lava.

"Uh, Midna? Are you _sure _the armor is there?"

She chuckled. "Positive. I can feel it. I mean, look at this place. It's perfect!"

"Why can't the armor ever be in a place like, I don't know, Rainbow City, land of Happiness? Or Candy Mountain? Why all the danger and suspense?"

"It wouldn't be a challenge if it were like that. You're an expert swordsman. This is child's' play!"

"Uhh, I'm not really-"

"Hurry up! Time's-a-wasting!"

She shoves me forward and I start walking reluctantly.

No sooner are my feet on the ground does a HUGE piece of the mountain plummet to the ground _inches_ away from me.

I faint.

**Gamers' POV **

Link is lying on the ground on the screen in front of me.

And it is INFURIATING.

I check the Heart Meter. All health is intact.

I reconnect the Wii remote. Nothing.

And yet, he will NOT GET UP.

I think back to the meteor that almost hit him. _Almost_ hit him.

However it didn't hit him- which is why I am so infuriated.

I press A.

Link still lies motionless.

I try everything: Pressing B, A, C, Z, plus, minus, 1, 2, even different combinations of those listed. Eventually, I just resort to swinging the remote like some crazed animal. Or a wrestling coach madly waving a fan over an unconscious wrestler doomed to lose the match.

Even after all my efforts, even after I am panting heavily and swearing at the TV, Link STILL. WON'T. MOVE.

Stupid Link.


	3. The Lakebed Temple

Makin Fun O Stuff: The Lakebed Temple.

I went back into the large, circular area with the rotating staircases. Sure enough, water was pouring into the previously shallow bed below and rose up to lap at my boots. Finally, the door that the big key would unlock was accessible!

I figured I was getting pretty good at this temple thing.

I unlocked the door.

And fell through a hole.

I splashed down in water, but I couldn't see a thing! There seemed to be a cavern below me, though. I put on my Zora Armor and my Iron Boots (both are long stories) and dived down.

I don't really know what I was expecting- perhaps I thought that the shadow piece would just be sitting down here, ready for me to grab and go.

But instead, I was greeted by a 100 foot long worm-thing that kept trying to eat me.

I hope Midna didn't notice that the water was a little warmer here.

Hey! You'd wet your pants too if you saw that worm-thing floating around!

I turned to Midna for help.

"Hey," she said. "Did you notice something? He has an eye on his back! If you aim for that with the clawshot, you can ride on him!"

I looked carefully. My god, she was right!

I latched on to his back the way she told me and I hit its eye with my sword.

The first two times I tried this, it threw me off. But after a third attempt, it sailed to the ground and bashed the wall in, causing all the water to leak out.

Turns out, without all the gloom and creepy music, the cavern looked pretty cool. Especially when I stood next to the 100-foot carcass of the worm that I had recently slain.

_Slain. _I liked that word.

And my victory got even sweeter when I realized something.

I was no longer afraid.

My boots weren't quaking, my knees weren't knocking, and my restless, fidgeting fingers were at a standstill.

Did this mean… I had overcome my cowardly ways?

Midna held up the last shadow piece and pocketed it.

"You did it, Link! Now, let's leave this place."

And she warped me outside.


	4. Arbiter's Ground

**Okay- I'm only gonna do one scene from each temple, on the assumption that you've played the game before. I'm not going to explain all of the story because that would be long, back-looping, and tiring. Not to mention it would give the entire plot away. So let's start at dungeon four: Arbiter's Grounds.**

I stood at the front of a large, imposing door at one end of a room- a room riddled with ghost rats, quicksand, and spikes. Not to mention dead corpses loping about that would paralyze you with their bloodcurdling scream and whack your head off with- what were they carrying? Clubs? Slabs of wood? The lids to their coffins? From this distance, I couldn't tell and didn't want to find out.

The quicksand was easy to jump across as a wolf- as long as I didn't stay in one spot too long or let the rats weigh me down. The spikes were a bit more challenging- I could never tell when they were about to pop up in front of me and send me flying in the opposite direction. I simply gave the mummies a wide berth, knowing for certain I could barely hold up against them.

I arrived at the door and collapsed. Midna floated by and congratulated me.

"Good job. You crossed an entire room of quicksand and didn't faint once."

I smiled weakly, but groaned inwardly. I would never be able to make up for my cowardly moments.

I walked to the door and said aloud, "Well. This is it. The final test. When we find that mirror, we'll find Zant. And we'll get that shadow armor back, so we can beat him." _And I'll finally be able to go home,_ I added to myself. Midna smiled and gave me a thumbs up for the epic speech.

I returned to the door and opened it…

To find it was locked.

I searched my pockets. A fairy, a clawshot, spinner, potion…. I went through the entire inventory and found nothing labeled "Big Key".

Midna frowned. "What's the holdup, Link?"

"There's no key in here."

"What do you mean?"

"We must have missed it."

"Then we'll just have to go back…"

**One hour of backtracking and a hurried epic speech later…**

The door opened and I saw an arena with a HUGE dead dinosaur skeleton sticking out of quicksand. I walked down a path to it, and Zant teleported to the skull, stuck a red sword in the top, and vanished. He said something about "this will be the last thing you fight" before he left, but I was too afraid to listen. For the beast pushed itself off the ground and glared at me with huge red eyes.

While I was quaking in my boots, Midna was working out battle strategies.

"Look at him, he's got no feet-just a thin spine coming out of the sand. It you strike it, he might fall."

I beamed weakly. "Brilliant!"

I shoved off with the spinner and twirled across the sand, searching for an opening. When I found it, I ducked under his arms and slammed the spinner into the base of his spine. I heard a loud thwack as it splintered and the monster flailed his arms about. I had to leave, or I would be crushed. I hit his spine two more times, and the third time he sank into the ground and the quicksand receded. Only his head remained on the bottom, sword still poking out of the skull. Assuming it was safe, I hopped to the ground. The path was now far above me.

"Idiot," chastised Midna, "Now we can't get back up."

I realized this was true. But I found a mechanism on the floor and inserted the spinner. As I spun, a section of floor rose up with me on it, and became and Island in the middle of the arena. I was now level with the door, but separated by a large chasm.

Just then, the skull came back to life, hovered beside me, and knocked me off the edge. I stood up breathless and cursed. I climbed back up the island with the spinner, using the tracks that had been conveniently placed there for me. When the skull came back into view, I judged the distance right and jumped. The weight of the spinner and my inertia combined and smashed into it. It screeched and sank. I wasted no time in slashing the sword out of it, and within seconds it died-for real.

I was panting, breathless, before I realized quite what I had done.

"You killed it. All by yourself," said Midna quietly.

I sat back and couldn't believe it.

A bridge branched out from the island and I went back up. Another door materialized and I went through, hoping that the mirror of twilight would be on the other side.

**Gamer POV- after the movie of the sages and Midna throwing a fit at the broken mirror-**

I swore. No way! There were _more _temples? How annoying. And what was I even supposed to do to get to the next one? Midna was not giving away any hints.

I teleported to Castle Town and soon found that fish were disappearing mysteriously in the Zora Domain. Interesting….


End file.
